What I've Learned from Teaching Online

I've been teaching online for four months now. Minus the blips in technology, it's been rather effective when students have set up the camera correctly as I've requested. Teaching core subjects such as English math, science, or history, are a little different than learning an instrument, but the general techniques still apply. These are just some of my general observations/takeaways so far from what I've experienced and learned.

1. Specific Instructions

The instructions I give have to be a lot more specific than if I were teaching in person. When my students come to my studio, usually, I'll say something along the lines of, "Look at the top of the page here" while I proceed to use my finger and point to the top of the page. The student can merely follow my finger and know where I am and what I'm referring to. For all I know, they haven't even actively listened to me say, "Look at the top of the page here." It's one of the advantages of teaching one-on-one. 

When teaching online, the directions have to be more specific. "Look at the top of page 2, line 3, measure 4 with the note G." Which leads me to my next point.

2. Active Listening

As a continuation of number 1, students need to actively listen to my instructions in order to follow along in my lesson. Let's take the same example: 

Look at the top of page 2, line 3, measure 4 with the note G.

Students then need to find the top of page 2, understand what a line is referring to, go to the third line, understand what a measure is, go to the fourth measure, know how to read notes, and find the note G. I am constantly surprised as how difficult it is for students to follow this, not necessarily because they don't understand the terminology, but because they're simply not listening.

I've seen students who appear to be listening, only to ask me to repeat myself because they've gotten lost staring at the page instead of listening to what I'm actually saying or asking. 

3. Colors

Colors have always been a part of my teaching. I color code dynamics. I color code notes. I color code patterns. I color code anything I want to bring special attention to, and sometimes I have even drawn a key for my colors so the student knows what each one is referring to. 

When music is printed with black and white notes on a black and white staff, notes written in pencil often get lost to beginner learners or learners who don't pay close attention. My teacher used the entire rainbow in my music to write notes and comment (including a blue glitter crayon at one point!), and I've followed suit because it is a method that I know works to a certain extent. I know you can't overload the page, but you need something to catch the eye, because everything gets lost in a sea of black and white otherwise.

In addition to color coding the music, I've learned that when pointing out things over a digital screen, my pointer needs to be obvious. Hence, I've started to paint my nails again. I've gotten good use lately out of my bold red and pink polishes. A painted nail makes a great pointer on the screen. Unfortunately, for all my male colleagues and teachers in various fields, this one may not work for you....unless you're willing to go above and beyond in strange ways!

4. Taking Notes

Having virtual lessons has brought out the sad reality that the state of our learning is passive. Students are not taught to take their learning into their own hands or to do more for themselves about their learning. Part of it may be my mistake. I've always written down notes in their music for them with regards to their homework and assignments. In retrospect, it may be more worthwhile to have the students do it themselves. I've simply always done it as a way of efficiency. Asking them to write their own assignments in our short 30 minute lessons may take up to five minutes or more. That's a lot of time to be spent writing things down when I can do it in seconds and use the extra time to teach. 

Sometimes, I ask them to repeat their assignments back to me verbally so I can register if it went into their head. Of course, if it escapes again, that is not within my control. This may be a system I'll have to improve on in the future and continue to work through. 

***

In summary, I don't mind teaching online really. The students who thrived during in-person lessons have thrived during online ones. The students who have struggled in person are still struggling online. I don't think either success or struggle is due solely to virtual reasons. I agree there are still shortfalls. But if parents are wondering why online learning has been difficult, I'd take a look at some of these factors and see if there are any skills they can specifically help their students with, unrelated to the material itself.

Momma's Boy

 When I found out I was pregnant the second time around, I was actually hoping for a girl. The practical and efficient side of me thought: How great would it be if I could reuse all of the old clothes again and not need to buy anything new!

Their due dates were 5 days apart, although my first was 6 days late, so due date for #2 was actually the day before #1's birthday. My morning sickness was just as bad if not worse than the first time. The seasons of my pregnancies were going to be identical so no need for new maternity clothes. How perfect was this? 

Well, as all things go, you can only plan so much. I ended up buying some maternity clothes anyway because I didn't buy a single maternity shirt the first time and stretched out a few of my regular shirts...sad day. Unfortunately, I can't wear those now anymore without looking a little too boxy. And, of course, we were having a boy instead of another girl.

I wasn't disappointed when I found out. Surprised, maybe, cause with all the pukey feelings and food aversions, I really thought it'd be another girl. But we were having a little boy. It actually brought a new excitement to this pregnancy. If I really didn't need to buy new clothes for this baby, we would have essentially spent $0 on baby things (not counting diapers) for our second. Not a bad thing to save money, but it takes the fun out of it. 

So last Thanksgiving and Christmas, I got to do some online shopping to purchase clothes and stock up on the basics. A few months later, we said hello to our little boy and bunkered down for a few months as the epidemic began. It's a good thing this wasn't our first baby. We did a lot of last-minute shopping for baby things with our first, so we had more than enough this time. 

I'll never know if it was because he was a boy, or he was our second child, or simply his temperament is much easier, but he's been an absolute dream from the beginning: started sleeping through the night around 2 months old, eats on a fairly predictable schedule, falls asleep on his own without needing to be rocked or held, and doesn't have a spit up problem. We'd been trained by one of the neediest babies ever, so it seemed, so when I experienced the feeling of laying a baby down in a crib, walking away, and finding him asleep 5 minutes later, it was like a miracle had happened right before my eyes!

But that's not even my favorite part.

Sometime between 2-3 months old, he started to do a happy squirm wiggle giggle whenever he'd see me after a prolonged period of time. This would happen if I went in to get him after he woke up from sleeping or if I walked away for a little bit and came back and looked at him. I don't ever remember my daughter doing this, and it is absolutely the cutest thing ever. 

My daughter is still the needier child, but she will always be special to me for some very personal reasons, and I'm thankful to have a daughter. But I'm also thankful to have a little boy whose face lights up in delight when he sees me. 

This is not how his face lights up when he sees me...but
this is one of the very few pictures we have together.

Plastic Bags

For the first time since I can remember, we're running low on plastic bags in our house. We've always had quite a collection from grocery runs and I've had to go from tying them into a knot to folding them neatly like little football triangles so we can fit them all in our pantry. (Who else out there knows what I'm talking about?)

First, let me explain why we don't use reusable shopping bags at the grocery store. I've never made a priority to bring my own bags because we actually use the plastic bags stores give you to bag groceries for other uses. All of our trash bags in the bathrooms and kitchen are lined with grocery store plastic bags. We do not purchase specific plastic bags for the trash* cans. Why buy something and use it once when you can get something and give it at least two uses in its lifetime? Even if grocery stores started charging a nickel or a dime for each bag, I might still pay occasionally for the bags because I know I get other uses out of them. 

*We buy one pack of the tall trash bags for our 13 gallon trash can and it lasts us at least four years because we only use that trash can for large objects or when we throw parties or large gatherings. In fact, we purchase plastic trash bags so infrequently that when Walmart changed their packaging from 50 bags to 45 bags, I actually noticed. Consumers beware: inflation doesn't solely come in higher prices. They get sneaky and keep the price the same and drop the quantity. Trash bag quantities are not the only item I've noticed had this happen.

I asked my husband one day why plastic shopping bags at the grocery stores were seen as such a "problem" when the plastic trash bags you can purchase and use at the grocery store are not. We came to the conclusion that the majority of people do not reuse plastic grocery bags. Our guess is they end up being littered or thrown away after arriving home without any second thought. 

I actually prefer the smaller 4 gallon wastebaskets for trash and t-shirt bags from grocery stores or takeout fit perfectly in them. We fill it up about once every 2 days, sometimes faster, sometimes slower, depending on what I'm cooking. If we used a large 13 gallon trash can in our kitchen, I think it would smell sooner than it would fill. This makes a huge difference any time I'm cooking fresh meat or shrimp. You want to bag the packaging up and take it out ASAP.

I try to use any (clean) plastic bag which enters into our home at least twice if possible. In some cases, you really can't, although my toddler really likes to play with the bubble wrap plastic packaging from some packages for a few days, so I count that as a second life. Some companies even ship their products in plastic bags with a second sticky seal on it in case you need to use it as a return package or use it for something else altogether. I have definitely found second uses for these types of plastic bags.

An example of a reused bag with a second sticky seal which I used.
Anyone want to take a guess what's in this bag?
Hint: It's not a package to be sent out and it's not something I'm keeping.

Bags that can't find second uses in our home (any bag that has ventilation holes in it, any bag that's torn or ripped, or any bag that is an usual shape and can't be reused, etc) will end up in a recycling pile to be taken back to a store to be recycled.

I'm all for using resources wisely and reusing/recycling instead of trashing. If you don't believe me, ask me what we do with the cold water from our bathroom while we wait for the shower to heat up. We also reuse our old laundry detergent containers as well as cooking wine bottles just to name a few. If there's a way to reuse something, I've probably done it or have thought about it. 

So, for now, we're running low on our plastic bags. It might mean we need to go on another grocery store run (that isn't Costco), or, it might mean we need to pull out the big trash can for a while. 

Happy Six Years!

Today is our six-year anniversary. In these six years of marriage, we’ve broken six glasses, five bowls, and one cutting board. I wish I could blame it on the kids, but they’ve actually had no part in our broken kitchenware. Yet. There will be plenty of time for that. 

Our wedding day. Taken by Victoria Liu

It’s been a fun six years. Things haven’t always been rainbows and butterflies, and we’ve had our fair share of disagreements and conflicts, but we have a lot of fun. These are six ways we've been able to enjoy each other's company and continue to have fun with each other. 

1. Be goofy together. 

We have lots of inside jokes together such as flying juice boxes, "cheers" popsicles, and pregnant belly dance moves. These are what make the classic stories to pass down to generations to come.

2. Don't fight over chores. 

It's really silly to fight over something that takes 5-10 minutes to do. We don't do 50/50 in our house. I have both cooked and washed the dishes on many occasions. My husband has also cooked and cleaned, mostly during the months when I had morning sickness, which has now happened twice. Fighting about not wanting to do it would probably cost us up to an hour or more. Not fighting about it and just doing it would probably save us 30-45 minutes at least.

3. Go on adventures.

Adventures don't have to be glamorous trips involving flying across the world to visit exotic places.  We've had many adventures consisting of driving to Walmart and browsing the clearance section for 30 minutes. Unfortunately with the current health concerns, we may never view these adventures the same or be able to do them, but we thoroughly enjoyed them, especially during our pre-kids years. Hopefully someday, the art of shopping in stores can become a leisurely past time again instead of a necessity for food. 

4. Eat good food.

Whether it be going out for takeout or cooking at home, good food can't be beat. It's so satisfying to be able to enjoy a good meal together. 

5. Look at each other. Really. 

Take some time every now and then to look at each other. We see each other all the time, but how often are you intentionally looking at each other? 

6. Hold hands

We don't get to hold hands much anymore. Between pushing strollers, holding children, and carrying bags, there are no free hands left to hold unless they belong to tiny people. When we actually do get to hold hands now, it possesses a newness to it that's almost strange. It doesn't happen often. If you're not someone who likes to hold hands, then...don't, I guess.

I've really enjoyed this extra time during quarantine/staying at home that we've had with each other. Most of the time it just involves doing more of the everyday things together: cooking, cleaning, watching the kids, eating meals, etc.

And now, I'll leave you with six more fun facts about us/our relationship.

1. When J was younger, he wishfully wanted to marry someone who had a grand piano. This indeed came true!

2. J says I was somehow able to traverse the friend zone. I hope he's glad I did. 

3. I grew up with a last name of 3 letters. It got shorter after we got married.

4.  J liked penguins. I liked teddy bears. Now we both like penguins.

5.  I thought I'd leave Dallas after college, and I did for a year. But, I found a reason to come back and stay. 

6.  We both joke that we definitely wouldn't have dated each other if we had met earlier or grew up together.

Happy Anniversary to my favorite person.❤️

Two babies and many extra pounds later, we still fit our wedding attire!

Mamalogues: Happy Birthday, Mommy

Today would have been my mother's 66th birthday. Sadly, she didn't even get to turn 50. 

We often look at age as a curse - we think of it as getting older. We think of it as our life getting shorter and our days being numbered. None of this is wrong, but it's definitely looking at it with the glass half empty. Age means you've lived longer. You've learned more. And most importantly, you get to experience and witness more out of life. 

Raising kids without my mother is probably the most difficult thing I've ever had to do and may ever have to do in my lifetime. I love looking at pictures of my babies and watching them change over the months and years and grow up. I love watching the way their faces and expressions change, and I've even purposely captured pictures of their screaming faces. Because I simply want to remember someday when the sleep deprivation and repeating myself 100 times a day stops. But at the same time that I love looking at photos of my children and the memories we're making together, I'll forever know that my mother will never be in them. Not one photo of my children will ever include her. 

I've shown pictures of her to my daughter. We went through a phase where she'd look through photo albums while eating her meals as a way to bribe her for bites. I pulled out some of my old family photo albums and showed them to her. She could pick out my dad and refer to him with no problem. But of course, she didn't recognize the other woman who appeared in the photos. I didn't go into detail now as she won't understand nor am I ready to explain to her. But one day, she will ask. Or I will choose to share with her. And that's going to be a hard day. She's going to look at this stranger and think to herself, "I don't know who this person is." And I'll have to tell her: "She's the grandmother you never got a chance to meet. 

***

After my daughter was born, I really missed my mother. My daughter was quite the handful of a baby. We were tired. And most of the time, we were just guessing at what we were supposed to do as new parents. I wondered what it would have been like to have my mother there. Chances are, in all honesty, illness aside, if my mother were alive when we had kids, she would have probably given me a little too much advice, done things in ways I didn't appreciate, and gotten on my nerves a little bit. And that would have been totally normal. But knowing what I do now, wishing that I could see her holding my babies would make those annoying moments worth it. 

Since having my son, I've wondered what having my mother around would have been like. It's hard to envision because she was so sick the last few years of her life, I don't remember my mother doing normal day-to-day activities. I don't remember her cooking. I don't remember her cleaning. I don't remember her sitting down and having a conversation with me. 

What do I remember? I remember administering her shots. I remember helping her drain fluid from her lungs and cleaning the area where the tube was inserted and re-bandaging it up in a way that was comfortable. I remember being careful which way to coil the tube so she'd feel it the least. I remember her saying she liked it best when I did it rather than when other people did it. I remember watching her take packets of pills everyday and swallowing them with food rather than water, because if she took a sip of water with every pill, she'd fill up and never want to eat anything. 

You know what else I remember? I remember the days when I was selfish, and I didn't want to help her. I didn't want to spend the 20 minutes it took to drain the fluids and re-bandage the area. I wanted to get on the computer and talk to my friends. I wanted to watch my show on television. 

I was 11 or 12. 

***

My mother and I weren't close. I didn't have deep, meaningful conversation with her. In the 9 years I had with her as a healthy person and the 4 years I had with her while she was sick, I remember my mother as the person who took care of the house. The person who picked us up from school. The person who washed my hair. The person who cooked. The person who disciplined me. The person who took care of us when we were sick. 

There's lots of things about my mother which I believe she did wrong as a mother. A lot of my parenting philosophies were based on things I didn't want to do because I was the product of them. My mother's personality is still within me, and there are moments when I feel myself become her as I parent my children. But I'd like to think I removed the parts of her which scarred me and took all the best parts of her and made them better. I hope my kids do see me as the person who takes care of the house, the person who picks them up from school, the person who washes their hair, the person who cooks, the person who disciplines, the person who takes care of them when they're sick. But more than that, I want them to see me as the person who loves them and cherishes them and supports them. 

Regretfully, I don't have many good memories with my mother. And because she was sick, the last memories I do have with her are tainted. But that doesn't change the fact that we loved each other as a mother and daughter do. 

Happy birthday. I miss you. 

Mid Year Check-In

At the beginning of the new year, I wrote a post with a few goals I wanted to accomplish. It's my version of a "New Year's Resolution." Well, Unfortunately for most people, 2020 has turned out to be one terrible year. You can read about my take on the terrible twos here, more for comedic relief than real talk. 

A whole six months has gone by. I can't tell you half of what I did in these six months, But I know the time has gone by because:

• I'm not pregnant anymore
• I have a second child
• There are more gray hairs on my head (I think...I'm not really counting...)

I started the year with three general "goals" I wanted to accomplish. 

1. Finish my cross-stitch
2. Find a new work-life balance
3. Keep my sanity

1. Finish My Cross-Stitch

I did! I finished my cross-stitch. I put in extra hours early this year, stitching at night, but I didn’t finish it before he was born. Somehow, after my son was born, I found time here and there to finish! It took me about three and a half years, but I finished it on June 28, 2020. This is my second large-scale cross-stitch that I've finished. Once again, the irony is that when I purchased this cross-stitch, I was living in China and single. When I finished it, I was living in the USA, married, with two kids two and under.

Originally, I bought this cross-stitch with a goal of finishing it before we had kids. That didn't happen. So then, I wanted to finish it before we were done having kids. That didn't happen either...but to my own credit, I only missed that goal by about three months.

Here it is!

Something often overlooked about cross-stitches is actually the back. If you enter a cross-stitch into a county fair or contest, they actually judge you more on the back than the front. Why is that? The back tells about the journey. Anyone can come up with a nice looking design on the front, but it takes dedication and patience to have a beautiful cross-stitch back.

So what is it about this journey that's so important? 

1. No Knots - cross stitching doesn't involve tying any knots. The ends of each thread are secured by looping your stitches on top of the ends. Every time you start a new thread, it must be secured in this way. 
2. Reaching over vs. starting new - I don't know if there's a technical term for this. If anyone's savvy enough in cross-stitch terminology, please let me know! But this is where instead of cutting the thread and starting in a new location, you take your thread from your last ending point and reach across the canvas to start it in a new location, therefore resulting in a very long piece of thread traveling on the back. It makes the back look messy and sloppy.
3. Consistency - The Xs on the front need to be crossed the exact same way in order to appear consistent and neat. This means if you stitch the bottom left to top right first, it has to be stitched first on every single X. When done correctly, the stitches on the back will all appear to be in the same direction instead of alternating vertical and horizontal stitches. 

Is it obvious to tell if someone's taken their time and cross-stitched the correct way? Yes. If you know what you're looking for, it's extremely obvious. One of the most telling signs is that the back of your cross-stitch should look exactly like the front.

Here's my back:

I have to say, I did a really nice job on this cross-stitch. I've been sloppy on previous ones in the past and learned the hard way, hence how I've been able to come up with my mental list of "what it takes to have a good cross-stitch." The design itself is not a difficult one, especially not compared to the last one I finished, but it fits perfectly for why I wanted to finish it: it's for my children. 

2. Find a New Work-Life Balance. 

I have been able to find a new work-life balance. In doing so, I've cut my students in half, I limit the hours I work, and I'm only teaching online right now. For most of this, I have to thank coronavirus actually. If the virus didn't exist, I would have pressured myself into taking all my students back which would be 12+ hours of teaching a week in five days. Add that onto taking care of my kids during the day while my husband was working as well as breastfeeding, or attempting to breastfeed my son, and that results in one crazy mom. 

I'll never forget the day I put my pump on the kitchen counter and pumped during my 30 minute break in between two lessons while cooking spaghetti on the stove for dinner at the same time after my daughter was born. I don't even know where she was. I think my husband was watching her. 

I'll be eternally grateful for coronavirus that I will not have to do that with my son this time around. But that's pretty much the only reason why I'm grateful for this virus. For everything else, it's ruined a lot of plans, trips, outings, and life in general. 

3. Keep my Sanity

As mentioned above, this virus has helped me to keep my sanity in certain ways. In others? Not so much. It's been a new learning curve to figure out how to plan grocery trips now and be intentional about what I buy. I've had to train my daughter into a daily routine/schedule that doesn't involve going on playdates or wandering stores for fun. But we've found other things that she has enjoyed during these last three months of staying at home and staying out of public places, which has also kept us from going crazy ourselves: going on bike rides in the bike trailer, swinging in our front lawn and "blasting off", swinging in our hammock, watching our neighbors mow and trim their lawns, going swimming in our neighbor's pool, watching bunnies and squirrels, digging in our flower beds which don't have flowers, and learning how to be a big sister, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. 

Overall, I think the transition to having two kids while maintaining both of our jobs and general lifestyle has been pretty smooth. The kids have kept me busy during all this staying at home, and to be honest, it's been nice. I wonder to myself what quarantine with no kids would have been like. I think I would have had a lot more time to do the things I wanted to do and no will to do them. Chances are, I would have sat at home, watched a lot of TV, or spent a lot of money shopping online, neither of which I have time to do now.

I hope despite all the terribleness this year has brought for many of us, you've been able to find some silver linings to reach some goals or discover something new for yourself. 

Here's to the second half of 2020. 

51 Mosquito Bites

I've been trying to think of something meaningful to write about in the last month with everything going on in society. I wanted to show that I was aware of what is going on. I wanted to show that I cared. But everything that I seemed to want to say or thought I should say seemed meaningless.

The other day, a mom dropped off a check to pay for her daughters' piano lessons. I went outside to say hi and we stood outside distanced from each other and talked for what turned into about 30 minutes. During that 30 minutes, I got feasted on by mosquitos: 51 bites. Mosquitos have always been extra attracted to me for some reason - something about certain blood types being more preferable than others. Mine is the most favored apparently. Never in my life have I been bitten this many times at once.

Needless to say, when I came back inside, I immediately washed my legs and feet to relieve the swelling. My husband asked me why I didn't just excuse myself and say I need to go inside because I was getting bit. I'm not sure why I didn't. I think it was a mix of not feeling like she and I were that close in relationship to be able to excuse myself but also that I enjoyed having some adult conversation with someone other than my husband since it happens so rarely now since we don't leave the house except for food.

For the next few days, I felt this insane itching that would continue throughout the day. Occasionally, I'd distract myself with something long enough to forget about it for a while, but it would come back. Sometimes, it was the bites on my feet. Other times it was the bites behind my knees. And sometimes it was the bites on my knees. It was always at least one of them, somewhere, itching, beckoning me to succumb to the feeling and scratch.

When I knelt on the floor to change my daughter's diaper, or sat on the couch, or when my daughter kicked me with her feet when eating, it caused me to think about them. It caused them to be irritated and itch. I'd wake up in the middle of the night scratching, subconsciously. I tried all sorts of home remedies to make the itching stop and wish them to heal. I'd poke them with my fingernails hoping the pain I felt would overpower the itching I felt. 

And then it hit me. These annoying bites, 51 to be exact, were causing me an incessant frustration for more than two days - they haven't healed yet. In the tiniest little way, it allowed me to experience a fraction of what the black people out there feel when they can't leave the house at certain times wearing certain clothes with certain things. It allowed me to experience what it's like to be constantly reminded that there is something to be wary of, a reason to be careful, a reason to fear. 

I read an article online about a boy sharing the rules his mother told him to follow when leaving the house. Some of you may have seen it circulating on social media as well. 

– Don’t put your hands in your pockets.

– Don’t put your hoodie on.

– Don’t be outside without a shirt on.

– Check in with your people, even if you’re down the street.

– Don’t be out too late.

– Don’t touch anything you’re not buying.

– Never leave the store without a receipt or a bag, even if it’s just a pack of gum.

– Never make it look like there’s an altercation between you and someone else.

– Never leave the house without your ID.

– Don’t drive with a wifebeater on.

– Don’t drive with a du-rag on.

– Don’t go out in public with a wifebeater or a du-rag.

– Don’t ride with the music too loud.

– Don’t stare at a Caucasian woman.

– If a cop stops you randomly and starts questioning you, don’t talk back, just compromise.

– If you ever get pulled over, put your hands on the dashboard and ask if you can get your license and registration out.

Someone, male, not black, commented something along the lines of "I was told to follow all these rules, too, growing up. What's so special?"

What's so special? What's so special is that if you, or anyone not black, were to forget to follow one of these rules, it would be an "oops, I messed up" kind of moment. But if someone, black, forgets to follow one of these rules, it may cost him his life. I'm using the masculine pronoun simply for ease of understanding. It's highly possible that black women feel the need to follow these rules (with a few changes) to a certain extent as well for fear of losing their life.

This is a menial comparison when it comes to even trying to begin to feel the pain, frustration, and anger that black people do. But these bites have allowed me to feel just a little bit more for them. 

Are you feeling yet?