The Things that Matter

I picked up my son from school the other day and started asking him about his day. At one point, I heard the sentence, "I brought home my crayon box that had popcorn in it."

Um. What?

Turns out he had a snack at school (popcorn) as part of their lesson and it was passed out in little treat boxes which looked like crayon boxes. Phew. He told me he had saved his box and wanted to keep it. Okay...

A few days later, I found this crayon box tucked into a drawer handle in our kitchen. My first thought was: I have got to throw this away. I use this drawer and it can't have a snack box wedged in the handle. But there was also a more rational side of me which was thinking how endearing it was that he loved this treat box so much to bring it home after finishing his treat and strategically placing it in a "special" place. 

Some of you might be thinking how ridiculous it sounds since I thought a piece of trash was endearing. Part of me feels it too.  But, I also know I was once the girl who kept a toothpick from a sandwich from the Princeton University cafeteria because it was a toothpick from Princeton University, and I'd probably never go back again in my life. (Still true. I haven't been back.)

As much as I wanted to throw his treat box in the trash, and alas, it will someday end up in the trash, I decided to keep it a little bit longer. I just had to move it from the frequently used drawer handle to an infrequently used cabinet handle.

New location secured.

He saw it this morning while eating his breakfast. I didn't have to explain why it had moved to a different handle. He just smiled knowing I had still kept it. 

These are the things I think about when raising my kids. Am I taking the time to value the things which are important to them? Even the ones which aren't important to me? We remember various memories in our life. Some of these memories can shape the way we view people. Some of these memories will affect our impressions of locations. Some of these memories will affect the choices we make later in life. I know a treat box from popcorn at school in 1st grade doesn't seem like a life-changing memory to a grown adult. And it's possible years from now, this paper box will be long forgotten in the memories which don't make it. But in this moment, keeping it a little longer than I otherwise would have, made him smile. 

We were driving to church last Friday evening, and because we were running late due to unforeseen schedule interruptions, we ended up driving west during the sunset hour. My kids told me to take a picture of the sunset and to save it. 

 

 

I'm horrible when it comes to saving photos of non-people on my phone because they don't get printed, I don't have enough memory to save them all on my phone, and realistically, I'm not scrolling my phone to go down memory lane and look at all the photos I've ever taken. So this one will be saved here on my blog and added to the list of things that matter to my children. 

Eleven

So last year was our big ten year anniversary and we celebrated with a trip to Maine. I thought I had blogged about it...but I didn't. There may have been a short post with a photo on another platform about our trip. It was a lot of fun.

We didn't plan a big trip for our anniversary this year as it's not a "milestone" anniversary, but we had a wonderful trip overseas as a family of four. I finally got to have another "dream come true." Growing up, I'd see my friends' family photos in their homes - the glamour shots taken overseas with the fancy clothes and makeup. I'd always wanted to get glamour shots done. Of course, my family had their issues, and in my eyes, was more dysfunctional than others. Since growing up and seeing the world through wiser eyes, I've come to see a lot of families with their own dysfunctional aspects. So in that, I was probably not alone, but it definitely felt like it for a long time. Regardless, we never took them.

Since getting married, we've never made a trip to Asia and I didn't have them done as a single person when I lived overseas...because, well, I wanted glamour shots with my family. Due to a number of reasons, 2025 was the year an overseas trip finally happened for us. And yes, we took glamour shots!

 

For our actual anniversary, we celebrated a day early, got a babysitter for the day and had lunch together. We didn't intend for it to be so reminiscent of our younger relationship days, but that's what it turned into. It was fun.

We went shopping together before lunch and were able to go to stores we wouldn't normally get to with children. It was so nice not to have to watch a child and make sure nobody was grabbing things or on the verge of breaking fragile items. We were able to wander at our pace and not worry about keeping track of where the children were. 

We went to an all you can eat sushi restaurant for lunch and we were pretty impressed. For the price we paid and the food we ate, I enjoyed the food. 12 years ago when we were still dating, we went to an all you can eat beef ribs restaurant for lunch. I ate 12 beef ribs for lunch that day and he had 13. We joke about that lunch being the moment he knew I was the one for him.  

 

We had a decent amount of sushi for lunch. Between the two of us, we ate:

- seaweed salad

- 4 pcs tuna nigiri

- 4 pcs red snapper nigiri

- 4 pcs smoked salmon nigiri

-14 pcs salmon nigiri

- 4 spicy tuna nigiri

- Rainbow roll

- Firecracker roll

- Mango delight

- Street Fire Roll

- 2 pcs shrimp tempura

- green tea ice cream

My approach to all you can eat places has changed drastically over the years. Yes, I'd like to get value in my meal, but I also don't want to leave the restaurant feeling horrible. I want to enjoy my meal and leave satisfied and happy, not uncomfortable and sick.

The last thing we did on our date together was go walk around the mall where I spent all of my teenage years at and where we spent the first year of our marriage strolling. I can't say enough how relaxing it is to get to hold hands with my husband instead of my children, use the restroom by myself, and spend as much time looking at items I want to look at without keeping track of where my children are and what they're about to do. 

I wore this dress 12 years ago when he picked me up at the airport when we first started dating. This was my first time wearing it again since getting pregnant and having two babies. Not everything fits the same, but this dress is pretty forgiving. 

We were very young when we got married. The older I get and longer we're married, the more the realization sinks in of how young we actually were. Our love looks different now. We look different now. But I can't imagine spending the last 11 years with anyone else. Fun fact: 2025 is the first year our anniversary has landed on a Saturday since the day we were married. 🥰

Kind of Like a Motorcycle

The story behind my daughter's name is not one I would call "special." It's actually kind of amusing now that I think about it. But something about that memory has forever stayed with me, enough for me to name my daughter after that child.

I had just graduated from high school and I was working at an after-school program for the summer. I was in charge of a 2nd or 3rd grade class - my memory fails me on which one it actually was anymore. My shift started around 11 am and I served them lunch. The ones who didn't finish their work from the morning would finish it after lunch and I would help them complete their assignments if they had questions. Then I stayed with the class all afternoon as they rotated their play areas. I'd leave work around 5 or 6 pm. 

One day at work, one of the girls came up to me and asked me a question. I answered it, and she responded, "I get you, I get you" in this squeaky little girl voice. I loved it. Something about the sound and the slight scratchy yet cuteness in her voice. She was also beautiful, not model-worthy, but I never thought that was what made children beautiful. There's something about messy hair, small clothing, and an innocent face that has a radiant beauty no amount of put-together-ness-perfection can match. And I remembered her name.

I remembered her name all these years, and when my daughter was born, I decided to give her the same name. It's not that I wanted her to have a squeaky voice or to be like this little girl from my memories. It was just a positive association I had with this name. 

After four years, it finally happened. We were going about out evening and my daughter was telling me about her evening. My husband had taken the kids out while I was teaching, and after they returned, we were all getting ready for bed. I asked her what she did with Daddy and she was telling me. I was asking questions to clarify what she was telling me. At once point, she was trying to explain to me sitting on a four wheeler.

Mommy: Was it a jeep?

S: No, it wasn't a jeep. It was kind of like a motorcycle, but not a motorcycle, but it kind of looked like a motorcycle but it wasn't a motorcycle. 

"kind of like a motorcycle, but not a motorcycle"

And then that moment hit me, just like it had when I'd heard that little girl say to me, "I get you, I get you." The sound of my daughter's voice and what she was saying had this cuteness to it: the cute repetivive phrasing of her sentence and her perfectly enunciated English at four. 

I can't really explain why certain words and phrases and how they are said can sound so special when what's being said has no special meaning at all. But this was one of them. 

Momma Cat

Today's blog is a guest entry. I didn't really ask for permission, but I don't think he would mind. Also, it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. 😉 Cats are very dear to him and this is the beginnings of a story of a very special cat who infiltrated his life for a period of time.

***

First time I saw that Junkyard, I was amazed at the old cars I saw: a Citicar (a 70's electric car that flopped on the market) several Studebakers, Perhaps 15 Corvairs, a terrific-and ancient-VW van, a Packard, a drivable 'top-line 73 Gremlin, and animals...lots of animals.

The junkyard owner is rather simple, and his idea of feeding the animals is to toss a bunch of chow into the trough and let the four-legs go at it, and devil take the hindmost.

That means, of course, that the big dogs are fat and the little cats starve. 

The kittens were emaciated and filthy, and the mother cat was scrawny as she could be, yet she was beautiful with the glow of maternal love, and had a sweet and tender disposition, like any mother does. She sat in the same shady place on the porch, as if glued to it.

She obviously loved her kittens, yet she could do so little to take care of them, against that canine tidal wave.

Whenever I visited the junkyard, to buy parts, or haggle about this or that car, or just to look, I'd take food for the cats.

And I always fed Momma cat first. 

I could, possibly, have lassoed each of those myriad kittens in turn, and fed them one by one. The result wouldn't have been very successful, though, because they didn't know or trust me, and I didn't even know where they all were.

But I knew that if I fed Momma Cat, if I gave her the help she needed, if I put her first, then she would have the strength to take care of her babies, far better and more completely then I ever could, no matter how deeply I cared and wanted to help.

So I fed her first.

I also had some very stern words for the simpleton in charge. A 2-pound kitten loses to an 80-pound Doberman every time, so he had to feed the babies away from the big'uns. He's not a bad guy, but "junkyard owner" is probably the top of his intellectual potential, so I can only hope the lesson sunk in.

But the overall lesson is the important one: Feed Momma cat first, even if we ourselves are Momma. It's not just OK, but necessary.

Memories In the Wild

I had received a text message from the mom of one of my piano student's. She was asking me about lessons for a friend and then asked me if I had written a book. I was astonished as how she found out that information as it's not something I broadcast publicly. She told me it was the first thing that came up when she searched my name on the internet.

Well, then. 

Before I leapt to incorrect conclusions of being a famous author, I correctly put the pieces together.

- she paid me via PayPal and my maiden name was still attached to that account.

- my maiden name is quite obscure. I'm no John Smith or Jane Doe.

I actually searched myself using my maiden name and low and behold, it came up. My book was being sold on a book reselling website. I found the listing. The seller had put in the description, "A paperback book SIGNED and inscribed by author to previous owner on the first page in very good condition that has some bumped corners, wrinkling and crease, light discoloration and shelf wear. 8"x5", 177 pages." 

Immediately, I felt slightly betrayed. Who would part with a personal, signed copy of my book? I had personally ordered 25 copies and sold them only for the price of printing. I kept one copy. 

I told my husband about this and he asked me if I would buy it just to take it out of circulation. I said, "Of course not. This person is trying to sell it for twice what I charged my friends and I didn't care whether it was in some random person's possession or not."

But it was still eating away at me who had given away their copy of my book. I understood he/she could do whatever he/she wanted and it didn't matter if it was my book or not. But I still felt hurt.

My biggest accomplishment before I had kids. $0 profit but 1000% satisfaction.

I loved writing, and I wrote these books at a time in my life when I needed them the most. They were my therapy. I didn't care to become rich and famous. I just wanted a place to catalogue my writing and keep it close to me. And I did exactly that. These are stories of my life, my experiences, my loves lost, my sadness, my anger, my joy, and my adventures. 

When I wrote the first one and shared them with interested friends, one friend gasped and said, "You used their real names!" I did. The reason why I did was because I had nothing to hide. These were true stories of my life. I said nothing incriminating about anyone in my book. In fact, I mostly said good things because that is how I remembered them. The bad things came with the sadness they made me feel. It didn't make them a bad person. 

I didn't realize it then, but there would come a day (now) when I would forget parts of my past experiences. Had I coded their names, I would not be able to remember who it was. And that would devalue the memory. Writing it the way they happened allowed me to save the memory and keep it true to the person. 

I reread them every now and then. Reading my own writing from so long ago makes me cringe. I see places with errors I failed to catch. I see unpolished works I once thought were "pretty good." I think only 1-2 pieces in total still impress me the way they did when I wrote them. But that's the power of wisdom. I know I can see things now through a different lens than I could when I was 18 or 20. 

**

I found out whose book the seller was listing online. I saw my personalization in the front, something I did for every person who bought a copy of any book I offered. At first, I was sad. I wondered why this person would choose to let go of my book. And then I figured it out. This person has always had a big heart. This person has always been a giver, not a taker. This person would want to share my writing with someone else. That's all. It's unfortunate it ended up in the hands of someone trying to take advantage of an opportunity to capitalize, but I believe that was never the intent.

And then I let go of the hurt. 

Forever Valentine

This is our 7th Valentine's Day together as a couple. Technically, I sent him a quick-sketch Valentine the year I was halfway around the world, ironically living in a very cold city with snow and ice for six months of the year. I spent part of it at an airport during an overnight layover and gave up a few hours of sleep to send him some messages. 

Without realizing it, I misnamed my own bear.  Kudos if you know what his name is supposed to be.
We joke that this was the beginning of the end of my love for bears.

He sent me a cute drawing back.

I got a heart! And...this was the beginning of my love for penguins.

I turned our goofy drawings into keychains 🙂

How did you guys meet?: We first met at a friend's birthday party. We briefly met each other and then that was the end of it. So we thought. I ran into him by chance a few months later at a friend's apartment complex, and then we figured we may as well be real friends so we friended each other on Facebook. :) 

First date: Unofficially, we had dinner together with just the two of us 9 years ago. A friend was supposed to join us, but he couldn't make it last minute. I asked him if he was okay just having dinner with me, and he said he was okay with it if I was. 

Officially, I flew to Houston the summer I came back from China and we had our first date as a couple. 

How long have you been together? 7.5 years!

Married? 6.5 years!

Age difference?: 1 month and 20 days

Who was interested first?: Me

Who is taller? He is.

Most patient?: He is.

Most sensitive?: Me, although he can be about certain things.

Loudest?: Probably me. But I think our daughter actually wins this one.

Most stubborn?: We're both pretty stubborn....but probably me.

Falls asleep first?: It depends on the night. Most of the time me.

Cooks better?: Me.

Better morning person?: I've exponentially gotten worse as a morning person and he's gotten quite a bit better. But I still function better in the morning.

Better driver?: We're both pretty good.

Most competitive?: Me?

Funniest?: We're both pretty funny in our own ways. Who do you think?

Where do you eat out most as a couple?: I can't remember the last time we ate out as a couple...😢

Who is more social?: Me.

How long did it take to get serious?: a few months? 

Who picks where you go to dinner?: We both do. 

Who is the first one to admit when they're wrong?: He does. 

Who wears the pants in the relationship?: We both do about different things.

Who has more tattoos?: Neither.

Who sings better?: Probably me.

Hogs the remote?: We're good at sharing.

Spends the most?: It evens out in the long run. Neither of us really spend much. 

Did you go to the same school?: Nope.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled as a couple? Romania!

Who drives when you are going somewhere together?: He does.

My forever Valentine 💖