The Dying Conscience

Lately, and by lately I mean in the last 1-2 years, I've been noticing a lot more crazy driving out on the roads. Just this morning alone, I was driving back from the store to my house - so 2.5 miles from my house, a mere 10 minute drive - when I witnessed all of the following:

- A car slowed down because it knew there was a cop checking speeds up ahead.
- The same car left turned at a red light after significantly missing it (as in it didn't barely turn red, it was a solid 1-2 seconds) because it didn't want to wait the 1 minute 30 second cycle in order for the next turn arrow to appear.
- While I was in the left turn lane waiting for my arrow, a car turned left on his green light when a car was going straight dangerously close and got honked at. With any difference in seconds, it could have been a collision happening right in front of my eyes.

I understand there are crazy drivers out there, but for me to witness the last two bullet points within 5 minutes of each other at the same intersection was a little beyond coincidence in my opinion. 

This is not to say the countless number of other times I've witnessed crazy driving. We live next to a school in our neighborhood and the school zone lasts an additional 15 minutes after the elementary school starts school. It seems cars forget the school zone still exists during these 15 minutes because when I pull out to take my daughter to her school, numerous cars tailgate me and a few have even illegally passed me because I was "driving too slowly." It's infuriating. Lately, I've seen cops on the road during this time and I get a certain amount of satisfaction hoping these cars seemingly unaware of the school zone will get ticketed. 

In November of last year, I was driving my daughter home from school and we were going down a road that gets fairly busy in the afternoon rush hour. The left turn lane had backed up pretty far. Three women on motorcycles were driving in front of me in the left lane. At the light, they swung over into the front of the left turn lane in front of the first car waiting. I was going straight so I kept driving, but I was left with a very bad feeling. I know motorcycles are small, but since when was it acceptable to cut off 10+ cars? 

You think this is an isolated incident?

We were driving home one evening and were stopped at the same intersection mentioned in the very beginning waiting for our left turn. We were the first car stopped and a motorcycle was behind us. Before I knew it, the motorcycle went around our car and planted himself in front of our car in the left turn lane. 🤯 

Both of these happened within months of each other. 

I can't imagine I'm just "lucky" enough to witness all of these incidents and that this "isn't the average person." I've never been the lucky one. There's no way I'm getting lucky here and all of these people just happen to break the rules while I'm around. And this is where setting an example matters. I'm getting worked up just writing this post and thinking back on all the traffic violations I've witnessed which haven't been caught. The more of these incidents I see, the more I feel a part of the "good" inside me wanting to die. And it both breaks my heart and feels so cruel that I can't do it, because if I do, I become one of them. For whatever it's worth, that is the absolute last thing I'd ever want to do with my life.  

Going back to the first scenario I witnessed just this morning. I was impressed all the cars around me within my visible line of sight did not get pulled over by the cop who was checking speeds. But as soon as I saw that car left turn on the red light because he/she was too impatient and selfish to wait for the next cycle, I lost any neutrality I felt. What good is following the rules if you only do it when you know you're being watched?

I don't know the person in the car personally. Could there have been other reasons I can't see because I don't know the person? Absolutely. But based on what I saw alone, these are the conclusions I'm drawing.  

I don't believe following the rules in this life is worth it for ourselves. Because there is always someone out there breaking the rules who can get away with it. However, I do believe we must follow the rules in this life in order to receive something that is worth it in the long haul. What is the treasure that is truly worth it? Leaving a legacy of respect, honor, and one worth passing down. This isn't witnessed in day to day actions alone, but takes years of consistency to build.

That's hard. 

Twenty-One (and some) Years Later

I see my dad on a weekly basis now. Unless he's sick or one of us is sick, we will have a visit every week. I've come to enjoy these visits a lot more. There was a time when I really dreaded going to visit him and felt burdened by having to do so. At the time, each of these visits would leave me drained and sometimes angry. I never wanted to go because I'd leave in a foul mood after. 

It's taken years to reach this point, but my relationship with my dad is the best it's ever been. Now "best" is relative.  We're on a low scale here...by best, I mean we see each other once a week, we don't yell at each other, and we can have some surface-level conversation. Maybe sometimes more than surface-level. But honestly, if we're talking at all, and it's not yelling or reprimanding, that's a positive. 

I never got to have an adult relationship with my mother. When she died, I wrote a letter. In the letter, I listed a series of events and experiences she would miss from my life : my high school graduation, my college graduation, my marriage, the birth of my children. All of these have happened. But one thing I didn't have foresight into: both of us would miss having an adult relationship with each other. She would never stop being my mother, but the relationship of a mother and child is not the same as the relationship of a mother and an adult child. 

I have a vivid memory of being in middle school. I trace the timeline back to about 7th grade because I don't remember my brother being with me. My mother had driven to pick me up from school. I don't remember when she stopped driving, but 7th grade was less than a year before she died. She never waited in the carpool line because traffic was horrendous. Instead, she pulled up a street around from the school, and I'd walk down and look for her car. 

Upon opening the door, I got in the seat and loaded my violin and backpack around me. Immediately, I got yelled at because my violin was in the way of my mother's ability to drive. I got angry she snapped at me. We drove home in a sour mood and didn't speak to each other. I vaguely remember her later explaining to me she couldn't reach the gas pedal properly due to my violin being in the way, and that was dangerous. 

She was right. All these years later, I know she was right. I was just being a bratty teenager who didn't want to be corrected, and in that moment, I was annoyed at how bulky my backpack and instrument were. As an adult and mother myself now, if my child did the same thing, I'd be snapping at him/her in an instant, too.

I never had the chance to drive my mother around. She died a year and a half before I received my driver's license. I've driven my dad around a number of times on adventures with my children. I often wonder if it's strange for him to see me now doing things for him he used to do for me.  For a while, I resented the fact that it wasn't her. Why didn't my mother get to be the one to play with my kids and hear their laughter? Why wasn't my mother the one sitting in the passenger seat beside me as I drove? 

I learned to stop asking why. No answers will ever suffice for these questions. For now, I'm just glad my dad and I have time.  

Choosing Kindness

Kindness is hard to come by these days. Everyone is busy with their own lives, their own kids, their jobs, their vacations. So when you do come by kindness, it's rare and special. I'm not just talking about the kindness of using kind words when talking to people. I'm talking about going out of your way to do something nice for someone else that you have no obligation but wish to do so by personal choice. 

I went to Costco this week to pick up a few things. A few things always turns into a few things + a few more things + a few more things. I had two legitimate items I needed. I left the store with....6+ items. But when Costco discounts Halloween-themed ravioli for $2.50 a pound, you buy it! (unless your children won't eat black and orange food. That's a different story...). I love Costco, but I'm digressing.

I checked the ingredients - no artificial colors to get orange and black!

When I left the store, I was running slightly behind and needed to go get my daughter from school. However, I also knew that when I rush things, I mess things up. So I was talking to myself as I was loading the groceries into the back of the car - take your time, do things right. I made sure to pack the cold items into my cooler properly so nothing would puncture or leak - nobody wants to bring home cracked eggs. And I loaded everything else carefully in so as not to touch the muddy stroller wheels.

Then, I realized I had a drink and three hot dogs to put into my car. So I picked up the food and drink, went to the side of my car, and attempted to ask my son to open the door. Of course he couldn't hear me because his door wasn't open and only the trunk was. So I rearranged my hands so I could swing open my door and put the food in the car. As I was placing the hot dogs in the middle tray by my seat, I heard a man call out to me that he was going to help me return my cart. I saw him pull my cart away. Initially, I thought he was going to go shopping with it, but then I saw him take it to the cart return located a few spots down from my parking spot. 

When I returned to my trunk to close it, he had just finished putting my cart back and was walking back to his car. I called out another thank you and waved. I don't know his name or who he is, and he doesn't know who I am. We probably won't run into each other again, and if we do, we may not even recognize each other. But his gesture was very kind and I won't forget it.

Choose kindness for someone. They may not forget it either.

My First Car

Happy birthday month to my first car! My car is turning 18 this year. It's kind of surreal I drive a car so old. Ha. I know the trend for some people is to drive a car until they're tired of it or something breaks or the features become too old. And then they sell it, trade it in, and get a newer model or a different type of car. Me? I've never felt that way. I'm a one and done kind of person. If things didn't deteriorate, break down, or wear, I'd keep things forever. Unfortunately (and fortunately for some things,) that is not the case and we replace clothing, shoes, cars, appliances, etc. Bluey would say replace husbands, but I think Gerald and Hecuba might disagree. 

This was the first car I ever learned to drive on. In driving school, they actually had the exact same make and model of car as well so I never got used to driving any other car. I know everything this car has been through. There's a paint scratch on the back rear from when I hit the gas while still in reverse. That was probably the worst thing I've done to the car. 

In high school, I was driving a pretty new car. It wasn't a brightly colored VW bug or a sports car, but it wasn't my parent's old minivan either. 

By the front passenger door, there's a dent from my 17th birthday. The car was about 15 months old. I was running late for school that day and didn't park well. The right side of my car was on the line of the parking spot. I didn't have time to readjust. Or I chose not to readjust. Whatever the case, it was a teenage decision made from running behind and laziness. When I left school, I didn't notice anything major. The car beside me had left before I did though. A few weeks later, I noticed the dent. My mind was able to piece together where the damage came from, and I've never fixed it. It's purely cosmetic and the car has driven fine. I never told my dad about this and he's never asked. 

We brought our first baby home from the hospital in this car. It went from being the pristinely clean car for a college kid to a car filled with food crumbs, dropped cheerios, toys in crevices, and tissues and wipes shoved into door handles. But I wouldn't have it any other way. This car has served me well through many stages of life and continues to do so today. 

I rarely do this anymore, but it was very satisfying to fit toilet paper, 

diapers, and wipes in addition to grocery items in the trunk of my little car. 

There's other dings and nicks in the car over the years. I lost one hubcap about three years ago and we removed all of them. My car definitely looks like an old car when I drive it. I don't notice the outside of the car when I'm inside so it doesn't phase me. The inside to me still looks pretty good. It's lacking some of the nicer features - no backup camera, no built in GPS or bluetooth connectivity. My clock went out years ago so I never know what time it is when I'm driving. Some of my control lights don't illuminate anymore at night.

It occurred to me this year my mother never knew this car. My dad purchased it the year after she died. It replaced the Chevy Celebrity she used to drive. The car started having some more problems and with my brother being a brand new driver, my dad wanted him driving something more reliable. That's how I ended up with such a new car in high school. I think I surprised myself because although I know my mother has missed out on many things in my life, my car has been in my life for a long time.

But that shows how much longer she's been gone....

This is almost the exact color of the one we owned. 

I only feel how old my car is when I have something to compare it to. I notice it the most when we travel and rent cars. Even our Kia rental car had nicer features than my car. I'd never choose to purchase that car for myself, but yes, it felt like a newer car on the inside. 

The hope is for my car to make it long enough so my daughter can learn how to drive on it. That would be monumental if it were to actually happen. We do take pretty good care of it - parked inside, lightly driven, no punching the gas - so we'll see. 

My first car. It'll always have a special place in my life no matter how plain it is. 

Living the Dream

It's hard to imagine we've almost been in our house for eight years. That's twice as long as the previous owners. We bought our first house as newlyweds, began renovating it, and have since brought home two babies. Six months after we bought the house, we finished painting all the kitchen cabinets and drawers and were able to park our cars back in.

At the time, it only took 1.5 hours to clean the garage and pull both of our cars back in. Our overhead storage rack was completely empty and we didn't own nearly as many tools, gardening equipment, our chest freezer, a bike trailer, or eight total bicycles (children's + adult's). I was impressed then and vowed to always keep our garage clean enough to be able to pull two cars into it. 

Nearly eight years later, I've kept that vow, and done an even better job than I thought was possible. What's better than parking two cars in the garage? Parking THREE cars in the garage! Now FYI we have two-car garage door. So the opening is only big enough to park two cars. So....how did we do this? 

I blogged about the first part of this project last fall. You can read about my Garage Saga series here to catch up if you didn't already read it. 

Yesterday, the rest of the dream was completed. After about a year of research, we finally pulled the trigger and purchased the car lift. Originally, it was going to be installed in February, but we conveniently received a notice from the city a week after we made arrangements that they would be doing alley construction for the next month. We called the installer and requested a later install date. 

In the end, the city construction finished the weekend before the original install date was scheduled. But the rescheduling worked out anyway because we needed the extra time to clean out the garage to make sure the lift fit.

Whenever I told people we were getting a lift, they'd get confused because nobody really knows what a car lift actually looks like. This is what a car lift looks like. It's basically a mechanical elevator for a car. 

The same two cars from eight years ago, now stacked on top of each other. 

No, this is not at a mechanic shop.
Our two car garage is now a three car garage! 

I've upped my own antes now. Must keep the garage clean enough to always park three cars in it now. 😂 I didn't think I'd care for the car lift as much as my husband, but after seeing it installed with our cars all neatly parked inside our garage, I really, really love it. 

Also as a side joke, I bought myself a Hotwheel. We were picking out cars for my son for his birthday, and I decided to get one I liked, too. I picked it because I liked the color and it looked pretty chic. 

When I got home, I decided to Google this car to see how much it would cost in real life. $1.695M you guys. I never thought I was a car person, but man, I sure know how to pick a car 😝. I didn't even notice it doesn't have a windshield until I read the description on the website: created to deliver nothing but the purest driving experience. For the rest of us realists, this translates to: you will feel all the wind in your face and possibly eat a bug or two when driving. 

Don't think I'll be getting this car in real life anytime soon...but it's a pretty little model to look at. 😁