Wisdom

I was having a conversation with my daughter yesterday. She was telling me she wanted to live with us at our house forever. I told her I was fine with that, but she'd have to contribute significantly.

Me: You know the water you use while washing your hands or brushing your teeth? You know how you like to leave it on for a long time and run the water? Who do you think is going to pay for it later?

S: Me?

Me: Yup! And you know all the yummy food you get to eat right now? Who do you think is going to cook it later?

S: Me?

Me: Exactly! And you know all the clean bowls and plates and cups you get to eat and drink out of right now? Who do you think is going to wash them?

S: Me!

Me: Yup!

S: Does this mean later I can yell at you and you have to listen to me?

Now this question made me stop and think for a second. There are a lot of things I reprimand my children for right now and rightly so as they are learning how to be competent people in society. Perhaps I don't always do it in the best execution possible, but it's coming from the desire for them to be intelligent, independent, and capable. 

But I stopped and prepared my answer carefully.

Me: Yes, but can you yell at me nicely? 

S: How do I do it nicely?

Me: It means you can talk to me normally and use a louder voice. 

😂

I've actually thought about this before I had this conversation with my daughter. One day, my children will be smarter than I am. I actually want that. Whether or not I will appreciate it is a different story, but I want them to be smarter than I am. I want them to be more capable than I ever was. I want them to be successful in all the ways I was and more. And if all this comes to fruition, it would mean I have succeeded at parenting. And if all of this comes to fruition, it would mean they will see my flaws and reprimand me.

My forever babies.

I actually already see this in practice in small ways. My children are only grade-school age but they're already showing budding signs of wisdom. The most common occurs when I ask them a question along the lines of, "What do you want?". They respond to me with what they want, and every now and then, I respond and tell them they can't have it.

This is when they respond to me with the most true and annoying response: then why'd you ask me in the first place?

They are absolutely right. If I had something in mind, I should have just told them, not asked them for their choice. As annoying as it is to hear this response, it reminds me that I didn't think about my words before I spoke them. 

I am someone who upholds others to high standards. I also uphold myself to these same high standards. So when this happens, I either apologize and say I shouldn't have asked, you don't get your choice, or, I give them what they picked instead.  

I've been watching this play out with my dad for years. I don't agree with many of his choices for various reasons, and I also cannot change his decisions. But it's hard to sit back and not say anything, especially when I think there are better options that he's not choosing. Making decisions out of fear or desperation usually doesn't yield the most wise choices. 

Does he see it as my wisdom? I don't know. I wish he would, but that's not my choice either. 

The Hare's Real Problem

One of my teaching analogies I use is retelling the story of the tortoise and the hare. I don't need to retell the story because by the time my students are old enough to understand this analogy, they know the story. When I ask my students what the purpose of this story is, they typically respond with, "slow and steady wins the race."

And that's what we were taught growing up. However, over the years, I've begun to question this proverb. Is it true that if you work slowly and steadily, you will eventually finish your project or reach your goal? Yes, absolutely. Progress, however slow, is still progress. But this proverb fails to take into account some other facts of the story.

The hare is faster than the tortoise. That was, is, and always will be a fact. By sheer ability, the hare is faster. The hare was created that way, and he is faster than a tortoise. In most retellings of the story, the hare gets a great lead in the beginning because of how fast he is. He looks behind him and notices the tortoise is nowhere to be seen. He is obviously ahead of the tortoise and has an easy lead. 

Then, the story goes to say the hare takes a nap and falls asleep under the tree. Most renditions of the story paint the picture that the hare taking a nap means he is lazy and not hard-working. This is where the tortoise keeps going at his slow pace, overtakes the hare, and wins the race.

bye bye, hare

Is the hare actually lazy though? I'm sure it was work for the hare to reach where he was along the race path when he decided to take a nap under the tree. Even if it may have been "easy" for him, it took energy and effort to get that far in the race. Could he have made the decision to rest a while and take a nap? Sure. Was he in the lead and ahead? Yes. Therefore, you cannot attribute the hare's decision to take a nap as being lazy.

You know where the hare went wrong? His nap was too long! He fell asleep for so long that the tortoise was able to catch up and slowly amble to the finish line. Although let's be honest, however slow the tortoise was moving, in reference to his ability, it wasn't ambling. He was probably moving at his fastest pace possible.

Taking a break is not a bad thing. Relaxing is not wrong. Sometimes, loafing is necessary. But the problem is, so many of us do not know when to resume. Could the hare have just run the race, finished it, and won without stopping in the middle? Yes. Could the hare have still won the race with a shorter nap in the middle? I believe so, yes. But sadly, the hare did not win the race when he took a nap, lost track of time, and did not finish the race in time. 

I don't think we should be told to be like the tortoise. Sometimes, for things we struggle with, we do need to be like the tortoise and trudge on through it, even if it's something we don't like. But I also think we should learn a lot from the hare. Take advantage of your big leads when you have one. Use your talents and gifts in your favor. And don't be afraid to take breaks or rest when you want to. 

But, you must know when to resume.