Just Fine

There are many things I did not appreciate about my childhood growing up. Once having my own children, I shaped a lot of my parenting on the exact opposite of the way I was raised. However, there is one poignant moment which has always stayed with me and goes down as the best parenting I've ever experienced.

8th grade was my last year as a straight-A-student. I had just started high school and it was one of the report cards in the middle of my freshman year. I was attending one of the most difficult high schools in my district. High school came like a slap in the face. My report card was littered with B's and even a C or two. The A's were a rare sighting that year with only 2-3 per grading period. 

My report card had arrived and was sitting on the counter atop a pile of mail and advertisements. As we were eating, my dad looked over my report card and asked me one question: Why are your grades so bad?

I responded with a simple, truthful, answer: School is hard.

After that, he put the report card down, we finished the meal, and my guess is no more words were spoken the rest of the evening.

I don't think my dad ever asked me about my grades again after that grading period. My grades stayed more or less the same in sophomore year. Junior year, they started to pick back up again and the majority became A's with a few B's and probably one C here and there. Senior year, I was a straight A student again. 

College was, again, a slap in the face because there was a learning curve to figure out how to balance 15 hours of class spread across 5 days. And to factor in the unspoken 20-30 hours of homework and studying a week for those 15 hours of class. Again, I followed that same trend of struggling immensely freshman year first semester and figuring out in the next 5 semesters which followed. Eventually, I regained my straight A status. 

I have to credit myself for being the kind of student and child who understood responsibility. I knew what to do and when to do it. If it didn't happen, it was because it was out of my ability or I had other priorities - for better or for worse. 

I was reminded of this memory again because I had a student come last week and she seemed kind of down. I didn't pry about it, and we had a great lesson together. When her lesson was over, we had to wait for her to get picked up. She muttered something about her mother "probably still mad at her" and I asked her why her mother was upset. She told me it was because of grades. I sighed. 

I've never thought of my parents as awesome parents who modeled wonderful parenting, but this one memory from my dad still stands out to me today. And honestly, I hope I can deal with the future grades of my children with a similar straightforward attitude. Because I know firsthand the difference it makes and the impression it leaves when you handle a situation with tact.

Sometimes I do wonder if this is how my dad still sees me....
because I know I will forever see my children as my babies. 

And I think, for however much he displays it, he knows I ended up just fine. Maybe better than just fine. 🙂

A New View

Nearly five years ago, we put in new windows for the first time with a company. We were excited. It was fun to get new windows for the house and replace the original ones. But the process was a nightmare. Our first job was scheduled to start in the afternoon, and they didn't even arrive until about 2-3 o'clock in the afternoon. They didn't leave until 8:30 that evening. New windows? Yay. The install? Terrible. 

However, we did enjoy the new windows and ended up scheduling another batch later that year. This install was much better. I requested to be scheduled as the first job of the day, and we were very particular with the installers about details. After this second batch of windows, we were done for a while. 

The windows which have always stood out in our house were our living room windows. We had repainted the wood paneling on the inside when we purchased the house, but the windows stayed the same dark brown frame with grids.

The color difference provides contrast, but I've never liked the grids.  
If it were an actual pure black color, I'd be less likely to complain,
but it was the original dark brown/copper tone.

This year, we revisited the new window conversation. My husband had always said our bedroom was particularly warm in the summer - it was. We have a south-facing window in our bedroom and it would raise the temperature by about 7-8 degrees compared to the rest of the house in the summer. I think after this year, he'd finally hit his limits and wanted to do something about it. So we called three companies and got quotes from them on the same day. 

The first quote was from the same sales rep we'd worked with before, but he had changed companies. We figured we'd call him out and see what the new company was like. It was more or less comparable to our original company. We were feeling pretty good about committing with them but wanted to wait until after the other two quotes. 

The second quote was from the same company we'd worked with before (now with a new rep). I really just wanted to see how their prices compared to five years ago since the economy and pricing has changed drastically in the last few years. He came and left within an hour.

The third quote we scheduled was with a company that had "very expensive" windows. The sales rep we'd worked with before asked us what other quotes we were getting. We told him the companies and when this name was mentioned, he immediately said, "Oh, they will be double our prices." I took this into consideration as I knew they were not going to be the cheapest company. However, I wanted to see what they offered. 

When the salesman arrived, you could immediately tell it was on a different tier of company because he came dressed in a suit and dress shoes. He did his sales presentation, brought his sample window, and we went through more or less the same spiel as the other sales reps. When he presented the numbers, he did something different than the other companies. He gave his first number which was the "actual cost" of the windows, like MSRP. Then he told us he could apply this first discount, and another discount, and then gave us the final number. Yes, it was significantly higher than the other companies, but there were a few different points he emphasized in his sales pitch which stood out:

1. They use licensed installers to install their windows - I'm pretty sure this is a stretch because there is no "license" you obtain to install windows. He had used the examples of carpenters/tradesmen to back up this claim, but I don't 100% buy it. 

2. He talked about the quality of the window and the different parts involved to keep the window insulated. This, I liked. I saw the difference in their window compared to the other window samples we'd seen before as well as the other new windows already installed in our house. I even tried to bend/manipulate the vinyl in the frame, and it was definitely stiffer than the cheaper companies.

3. He sold the install as a "sit back and relax" experience. We are in the stage of life where this is what we want. I want to allow someone to come in, fix or change something for me, and I don't have to micromanage them to make sure they're doing their job properly. If I have to pay a slight premium for it, so be it. 

4. They accepted credit cards on the entire balance with no extra fees. This is huge in today's world because when I can earn credit card rewards and points on my expenses, it adds a huge benefit, even if the actual amount I pay is greater. 

He left us alone to discuss with each other for about 15 minutes. We both agreed, we liked the quality of these windows better than either of the other two companies. However, the number he gave us was much too high. So we discussed what our bottomline would be for us to sign with this company. We arrived at that number and when he came back, we pitched it to him. 

His response was, "Sorry, I can't do that. I've already given you as many discounts as I can." And we understood and let him pack up his things and get ready to go. Then, he stopped mid-packing and said he'd try to run the numbers again and see what he could do to get us our ideal number. He got really close. He asked if we could come up $83. Sure, we could do $83. 

So right then and there, we signed contracts for windows with the most expensive company we received a quote from not intending to actually buy any windows that actual day. I made sure he understood very clearly my expectations: smooth install. no payment until everything was to my satisfaction. best crew assigned to our job. He told us the windows would be ready in about 4-6 weeks, and he was actually right. Only 24 business days later, I received the phone call saying the windows we ready. We installed a week after that. 

I have to give it to him - most of what I asked for was completed without a hitch. Did we hit some bumps during install? Yea, we did. But that's almost always the case and should be the expectation. But I'm quite impressed with the sales rep and his overall demeanor. He handled everything very positively (even though he may have been secretly scowling at me through the phone). But any form of communication with me was made in a way to make me feel like I was the most important item on his agenda. And that is a special talent which even I do not possess. 

And let's not forget, we really love the windows. 

One of the six windows we replaced. These windows do not have window
treatments so it is actually refreshing to be able to see completely out with a well-blended
white frame to match the rest of the interior. 

So how did they perform on their original claims sold by the sales rep? Pretty good actually.

1. The installer - I don't know that he actually had any license, but you could tell he was knowledgeable and knew what he was doing. We had a one-person crew come out to install our six windows and he did it in about six hours. I'm impressed. For the quality of the install and to be able to do it in six hours, you have to know what you're doing and be deft. He did just that. So I'll give it to them - at least one of their crew is a competent installer. 

2. I already felt the quality of the windows on their sample, but once installed, still nice. I also was able to see the fit of the windows during installation, and they fit very well for the measurements taken. I have a feeling one of the previous window installs we did with the other company did not do a great job of measuring....

3. Honestly, the install was as close to a "sit back and relax" situation as it could have been. I don't think I can ever fully relax when someone is working in/on my house, but it was almost. I was able to get other things done and not feel like I had to constantly keep an eye on him to make sure he wasn't cutting corners. And if you know me or have read my blog, you'll know we've had our fair share of working with contractors and the full gamut of "quality" that exists. 

4. It's true, they don't require completed payment until everything is done to my satisfaction. I've currently not paid yet because they have to come out and fix some things from the install. 

Everything in this experience has told me that spending the extra money to go with a different company instead of the cheapest one out there is worth it. This has been my mentality lately since having children because spending the time on extra hassles isn't worth saving the money. 

About the children....what were they doing for six hours while our windows were getting installed? Well, they wanted to play outside, but they didn't like the noise or want to be by the installer. So they moved all their "furniture" to the other side of the house and set up shop by themselves. 

They're so creative 😍

Starred Forever

I was cleaning out my emails and un-starring emails which were no longer important. As I unchecked the star for a bunch of emails associated with the music association from previous years, parent emails which weren't relevant anymore, and other no-longer-important emails, I came to the very end of my starred emails. The last email was dated April 24, 2017. 

I refused to un-star this email. To be honest, this email is not relevant to me anymore, but I wanted to keep it starred because this email marked the end of a three-year span of my life where her presence was in it. She was the epitome of elegance and poise wrapped around graciousness and compassion. She dressed up for the office everyday with slacks and some kind of blouse or blazer. She wore heels and walked around the office in them like she was 30 years younger than her real age. She had the kindest voice and handwriting which was both difficult to read but also impressively beautiful. She didn't eat avocado. I don't remember her ever saying a harsh word about anyone.

I still remember the day I found out she passed. It was about 20 minutes before my first lesson in the afternoon. I stood in my bedroom staring out the window. I couldn't stop crying, and yet, I knew I had to because I was about to face a 9-year old in my home studio and I wasn't about to explain why I couldn't keep it together. She didn't have a fancy service or anything. She wouldn't have wanted one.

There was a time after where I'd see her in every major chord I taught in theory. You see, the major chord abbreviation my students are asked to write as an answer for their tests is MAJ. Those were her initials. I could never see the letters MAJ without thinking about her. As the years passed, MAJ started to revert back to just meaning a major chord, and the memories of her once again were tucked away. But I keep this email starred because it's a reminder of a beautiful part of my life with her in it everyday I went to work. 

The List

I don't actually know what a healthy level of reading and writing should be at the kindergarten level, but I'm pretty sure my daughter is on par if not ahead of the game. It's been a lot of work keeping up with her homework, but she's learning a lot so we choose to put forth the effort. 

She started writing "lists" recently, but it's really just a bunch of scribbles on a piece of paper. She made an H-E-B list as well as a B-B-q list. I'm not really sure what B-B-q is supposed to be, but I know where she got her H-E-B inspiration from, haha. 

She kept telling me she was going to make a shopping list and give it to me. So I told her, sure, make your list and give it to me. Anything she can write down, spelled correctly, and read to me accurately, I will purchase at the store. 

I might be shooting myself in the foot with this offer because she's a lot smarter than I think (maybe). So I gave her two caveats:

- She has to do this before her 6th birthday or the offer expires.

- There's a $50 limit on what I buy off her list.

Oh, and obviously no parental help on this list. That should be understood, but I'll have to tell my husband just to make sure we're on the same page. *You're reading this, right? Got it? 😝*

Let's be honest. If the kid figures out how to spell lobster, and adds the word whole in front of it, I'm screwed. Especially if that's not the only item on the list! (Academically, she has learned all the phonetic rules to piece together those two words. 😱)

I'm kind of excited actually. I legitimately want to see what she would write on the list and what she actually wants me to buy. "Peas" is easy, but she doesn't like peas. Probably wouldn't want "beans" either. She might write "rice" but I can afford that one. 

Am I a genius or a crazy mother for doing this? Anyone out there want to try this for your kids now?? 😄

The Power of Play

We’ve had many things lost under our refrigerator at one point or another. There was a trapped marker for the longest time which I fetched out a while after it was originally lost. There have been blueberries hiding underneath from being dropped on the floor. Once I spilled a bag of frozen shrimp and one was barely tucked underneath the fridge. It’s a good thing I saw that one in time and fished it out before it mysteriously stunk up the kitchen.

One item which had been lost underneath the refrigerator and never rescued was a lone chopstick. I no longer remember when and how it was dropped, but this one single chopstick was trapped underneath for the longest time. Multiple occasions, we said we’d fish it out, and we never did, because let’s be honest. Life gets busy. There are other things more important than fishing out a single chopstick. And quite frankly, if our children hadn’t noticed it one day while playing on the floor, we would never have noticed we were missing one because we’ve always had plenty of extra.

Yesterday, something amazing happened. My five-year-old found a way to get the chopstick out from underneath the refrigerator. She grabbed a flashlight which they already played with and built a long stick out of some Lego pieces. Then, while shining the light underneath the refrigerator, used the Legos to swipe the chopstick out from underneath. Genius, right? 

Creative genius at its finest. 

To our credit, she’s seen me innovatively fix things or solve problems for her using everyday objects. She had seen her daddy just earlier take a stick with some fabric wrapped around it and clean dust from underneath the sofa. Perhaps this inspired her to do the same underneath the refrigerator to get the chopstick out. (Now, the real question is, why did my husband not swipe underneath the fridge to retrieve this chopstick instead of swiping under the sofa? Ha….)

When I see my daughter display these moments of brilliance, it makes me so proud. At the same time, I wonder if my mother noticed these things when I was younger. Did she ever watch us do something profound or special? If she did, it’s a shame there is no record or written evidence of it. And it’s a pity she will never be able to tell me about them.

I’ve never been one of those mothers to keep the house absolutely sparkling and to discourage my children from playing with non-toys. Yes, there are things she should not be playing with. But if it’s not a dangerous or precious item, chances are, I’ll let her play with it. And as a result, I get to see her be creative, be innovative, and think in ways much beyond her years. Do I encourage this because I want her to be top of her class earning the highest grades possible? Nah. I truly don’t because I wasn’t that student myself. What do I care about? I need to know that she is going to be okay without me whenever that day comes, whether through natural, healthy reasons, or due to heartbreaking circumstances.

She’s slowly showing me she will.

PT R2

My daughter potty trained during Covid at 2.5 years old. Also, I got tired of paying for diapers for two after about six to eight months. After she potty trained, I told myself I was going to potty train my son by the time he was 21 months old - by the end of the next calendar year. 

Haha. Jokes on me. 

Here we are nearly two years later from my initial ambitious thought, and almost two months into the process since we started. In the beginning, it felt promising because he was going potty on the toilet and staying dry. However, I was reminding him and setting timers every 30-45 minutes. We soon realized, this was not true potty training as he would not go unless we reminded or asked him. The instant we forgot, he had wet bottoms.

This continued for about a month with reminders when we remembered and wet clothes when we didn't. I then started incentivizing him with candy. This definitely made a difference and he started to take initiative in going to the potty instead of only when we reminded him. We kept continuing to keep up good habits at home but wearing a diaper when we went out in public, especially for extended periods of time.

I remember watching the lead teacher give skittles to kids in our 18-24m 
old class when they could communicate their need to use the 
restroom. And now it's my reward for my own children.   

The real progress appeared one morning when I had a two-hour board meeting via Zoom. So although I was merely feet away from my children, I couldn't help them do much. I did notice my son go to the bathroom at least once in my meeting.

When I witness small wins like this in parenting and life, it warms my heart, because they're little reminders I have succeeded as a parent. When they no longer need my reminders and will do what they're supposed to do (something as simple as peeing into the toilet and not into the underwear), it's a little preview of what I hope the rest of their life looks like. 

Potty training my son took much longer than it took my daughter, but it was actually much less stressful. There was way more laundry and soiled clothing to wash but much less yelling and crying. We are far from being a diaper-free household as he still needs one at night, but it still saves a huge chunk of change to not be changing diapers during the daytime. 

Subtle Reminders

The blog has been quiet lately because life has been crazy. I've been smirking at myself this entire year because in the middle of January, I distinctly remember sending one of my friends a text message: This year in 1/24ths over. And over the next few months I recalled this text with her a few times and the fraction kept getting larger and larger.

And here we are in the middle of November. The year is 21/24ths over. 

I was washing the dishes today after we returned home from school. The groceries went into the fridge, the laundry went into the dryer, and the kids were playing by themselves. My son was already outside playing in the backyard and my daughter wanted to join him. She came up to me as I was washing and told me she wanted to go outside. I told her to put her sweater on and she ran off to do so. 

After a moment of quiet, I called out to see if she was still getting ready or if she'd already ran outside. She told me she was getting her shoes on and within seconds, I heard the door open and shut. She's only five years old, but it's already happening. In my mind, I was picturing a teenager grabbing her things to leave and drive herself somewhere. Honestly, the feeling as a mother is exactly the same. I just got a sample of what is to come. 

After finishing the dishes, I cleaned up our back hallway which becomes the dumping grounds for everything when we come inside. As I brought the kids schoolbags back to the table, I happened to glance at the window and noticed a tear in the curtain. 

And just like that, I was transported back to being the mother of young children who are totally oblivious and unaware of their surroundings at times. I could almost guess exactly how this curtain came to be ripped and why the kids didn't even notice.

They like to climb on the window sill and look outside for fun. We have a table placed against the wall adjacent to this window. A portion of the table overlaps the window. It is very likely as they were playing by the window and the curtain that the curtain got shoved up against the corner of the table and tore without them even knowing it.

I'm not actually mad about it. These were the first curtains I ever bought for the house when we first moved in. They're nothing special to me. It is inconvenient that they're now ripped in the middle, but I'm not even going to bother replacing them. We also have extras anyway from when we replaced the window treatments in my studio. 

In a way, it was a nice reminder I still have little children in my house. And part of me would like it to stay that way a little while longer. 🥰