Single Parenting Week

Since we've had kids, my husband has had to leave for work trips four times. The first time was when my daughter was six weeks old. That was an absolute nightmare and I was very pissed about that trip. The second time was when my daughter was 22 months old and I was 30 weeks pregnant. After that trip, I jokingly hoped he wouldn't have to travel for the next 2+ years. My wish came true!....at the expense of Covid. 

The first trip he took after Covid was last summer. I had a four year old and a two year old. I don't remember it being too bad, but I also don't remember what happened. He took another trip last week and I was left with a five year old and a three year old. We had LOTS of fun when Daddy was gone. There were definitely multiple moments where I wanted to scream at them and make them disappear temporarily, but overall, it was a really fun week with my kids. 

I took the week off work, but honestly, I traded it for more work and no pay. My husband did keep up his end of the bargain of always buying me a gift when he goes out of town and leaves me with the kids. I was impressed by his thoughtfulness and how useful this gift was.

He got me (us) fridge magnet letters! They're so fun. We write each other messages and even label the dishes for the week. It's like an alternative to our dry erase board except more hands-on.

My daughter has also taken on to creating her own words and asking me to pronounce them. 

This one was not as impressive as the one she made last night. I do like dmydym though. If only that were a real word...

Needless to say, it was a relief to have him back on Friday after a solid 96 hours by myself. 

I actually kind of miss those blog quizzes we used to put up as teenagers on our xanga and myspace 20+ years ago for our friends to fill out and see who knew us best. I wanted to bring one back for fun but actually offer a reward for the person with the most correct answers. So I made a quiz using a Google Form based off of my week as a single parent. The person with the most correct answers will receive a gift card of their choice from me. 

I actually don't even know if my husband knows all the answers to this quiz. But I promise you if his is the top winner, it won't count :) 

I'm accepting quiz entries until 12:00AM Friday April 14th, 2023. 

Maybe this will be a new tradition I start when my husband goes out of town for work. We'll see. 😄

Branches and Roots

Last year was arguably one of the hardest years of my life. I experienced things I never thought I would. I testified in court. I wrote letters to the county jail. I went to a prison to visit an inmate. Yeah, the city in Texas that's famous for their penitentiary? Most people just drive down 45 and pass the wire fence and bright lights. That's not even where the actual prison is. The actual prison is in the middle of downtown Huntsville. And I've been there. 

Why did I do all this? Because I know without a doubt this person is innocent of the crime. I can't directly change the circumstance, but I can do my part in being a friend, and in loving the people who are affected.

When this happened, I had a vision to commission an artwork. In some ways, I wanted the artwork to be commemorative. In other ways, I wanted it to be a beautiful piece of art for people to find their own story. But I wanted a very specific image. I wanted to see trees intertwined in the branches to where you could not see where one tree ended and the second tree began. But I wanted the focus to be on the intertwined-ness of the trees. No fancy leaves or flowers. I wanted to see the branches touch each other and merge into one. 

I explained this vision to my friend who happens to be an artist. I asked if she could make it happen. She showed me some drafts and we molded this idea of mine into reality. She was the one who actually told me that trees begin to share roots over time as they grow and share each other's space. 

Somewhere from the time this vision of mine was born, my children and I went to the library and found this book: Apple and Magnolia. 

I have a little secret. I've always judged books by their covers. I love seeing beautiful covers. It makes me more excited and generally more happy to open the book and want to read it. This children's book drew me in. I love the way the trees are illustrated with a youthful, fluffy look. I love that the title of the book is written in rainbow letters. And the thin piece of yarn twirled through the two trees gives it a dainty elegance. I had no idea what the book was about, I just saw the cover and wanted to check it out.

I took it home and read it. I can't remember if the first time I read it was with my children or if I just read it myself. Sometimes I do that...just read the books I check out for my children by myself. This book illustrated the idea I had for the intertwined trees perfectly. I don't want to spoil the book as it's a really special story, but it involves the idea of trees helping each other grow. 

When someone helps us, we automatically think, we need to repay the person who helped us. But what if that person is not in need of help? Why not redirect the help we want to give to someone else who needs it? I think this idea should be more widespread. Instead of limiting the assistance to a circular loop, why not spread it out further? 

I was and still am very impressed with the way my commission turned out. The way she twisted the fabric in the branches as she stitched added a lovely texture to the piece. She even outlined the shadows of the tree roots and how they merge with the trees beside them. I'm so glad she's moved closer and I was able to visit her last Christmas. You can check out the rest of her work at her site. 

This year has proven no easier than last year. I still feel spread thin most weeks. But there's a strange joy in knowing I am linking my branches and growing my roots into other trees. It's how we grow stronger.

Living the Dream

It's hard to imagine we've almost been in our house for eight years. That's twice as long as the previous owners. We bought our first house as newlyweds, began renovating it, and have since brought home two babies. Six months after we bought the house, we finished painting all the kitchen cabinets and drawers and were able to park our cars back in.

At the time, it only took 1.5 hours to clean the garage and pull both of our cars back in. Our overhead storage rack was completely empty and we didn't own nearly as many tools, gardening equipment, our chest freezer, a bike trailer, or eight total bicycles (children's + adult's). I was impressed then and vowed to always keep our garage clean enough to be able to pull two cars into it. 

Nearly eight years later, I've kept that vow, and done an even better job than I thought was possible. What's better than parking two cars in the garage? Parking THREE cars in the garage! Now FYI we have two-car garage door. So the opening is only big enough to park two cars. So....how did we do this? 

I blogged about the first part of this project last fall. You can read about my Garage Saga series here to catch up if you didn't already read it. 

Yesterday, the rest of the dream was completed. After about a year of research, we finally pulled the trigger and purchased the car lift. Originally, it was going to be installed in February, but we conveniently received a notice from the city a week after we made arrangements that they would be doing alley construction for the next month. We called the installer and requested a later install date. 

In the end, the city construction finished the weekend before the original install date was scheduled. But the rescheduling worked out anyway because we needed the extra time to clean out the garage to make sure the lift fit.

Whenever I told people we were getting a lift, they'd get confused because nobody really knows what a car lift actually looks like. This is what a car lift looks like. It's basically a mechanical elevator for a car. 

The same two cars from eight years ago, now stacked on top of each other. 

No, this is not at a mechanic shop.
Our two car garage is now a three car garage! 

I've upped my own antes now. Must keep the garage clean enough to always park three cars in it now. 😂 I didn't think I'd care for the car lift as much as my husband, but after seeing it installed with our cars all neatly parked inside our garage, I really, really love it. 

Also as a side joke, I bought myself a Hotwheel. We were picking out cars for my son for his birthday, and I decided to get one I liked, too. I picked it because I liked the color and it looked pretty chic. 

When I got home, I decided to Google this car to see how much it would cost in real life. $1.695M you guys. I never thought I was a car person, but man, I sure know how to pick a car 😝. I didn't even notice it doesn't have a windshield until I read the description on the website: created to deliver nothing but the purest driving experience. For the rest of us realists, this translates to: you will feel all the wind in your face and possibly eat a bug or two when driving. 

Don't think I'll be getting this car in real life anytime soon...but it's a pretty little model to look at. 😁

The Hare's Real Problem

One of my teaching analogies I use is retelling the story of the tortoise and the hare. I don't need to retell the story because by the time my students are old enough to understand this analogy, they know the story. When I ask my students what the purpose of this story is, they typically respond with, "slow and steady wins the race."

And that's what we were taught growing up. However, over the years, I've begun to question this proverb. Is it true that if you work slowly and steadily, you will eventually finish your project or reach your goal? Yes, absolutely. Progress, however slow, is still progress. But this proverb fails to take into account some other facts of the story.

The hare is faster than the tortoise. That was, is, and always will be a fact. By sheer ability, the hare is faster. The hare was created that way, and he is faster than a tortoise. In most retellings of the story, the hare gets a great lead in the beginning because of how fast he is. He looks behind him and notices the tortoise is nowhere to be seen. He is obviously ahead of the tortoise and has an easy lead. 

Then, the story goes to say the hare takes a nap and falls asleep under the tree. Most renditions of the story paint the picture that the hare taking a nap means he is lazy and not hard-working. This is where the tortoise keeps going at his slow pace, overtakes the hare, and wins the race.

bye bye, hare

Is the hare actually lazy though? I'm sure it was work for the hare to reach where he was along the race path when he decided to take a nap under the tree. Even if it may have been "easy" for him, it took energy and effort to get that far in the race. Could he have made the decision to rest a while and take a nap? Sure. Was he in the lead and ahead? Yes. Therefore, you cannot attribute the hare's decision to take a nap as being lazy.

You know where the hare went wrong? His nap was too long! He fell asleep for so long that the tortoise was able to catch up and slowly amble to the finish line. Although let's be honest, however slow the tortoise was moving, in reference to his ability, it wasn't ambling. He was probably moving at his fastest pace possible.

Taking a break is not a bad thing. Relaxing is not wrong. Sometimes, loafing is necessary. But the problem is, so many of us do not know when to resume. Could the hare have just run the race, finished it, and won without stopping in the middle? Yes. Could the hare have still won the race with a shorter nap in the middle? I believe so, yes. But sadly, the hare did not win the race when he took a nap, lost track of time, and did not finish the race in time. 

I don't think we should be told to be like the tortoise. Sometimes, for things we struggle with, we do need to be like the tortoise and trudge on through it, even if it's something we don't like. But I also think we should learn a lot from the hare. Take advantage of your big leads when you have one. Use your talents and gifts in your favor. And don't be afraid to take breaks or rest when you want to. 

But, you must know when to resume.

The Hardest Part of Parenting

I used to think the hardest part of raising kids was sick kids. Sick kids ARE super frustrating. Especially when it's puke going everywhere you don't want it to because they do not know how to drop everything and run to the toilet. Non-sick kids are also frustrating when you see them stick their fingers into their mouths in all places after touching all sorts of things and you can just envision yourself in 24-48 hours having a child wake up in the middle of the night screaming because his/her throat hurts and the cold is coming. Sick kids take a lot of love and effort. But that is not the hardest part of raising kids. 

The actual hardest part of raising kids is disciplining them. And I don't mean discipline like raising your voice at them, sending them to time out, or even spanking them. Those are easy. 

We were going to bed the other night and my daughter picks out her clothes for the next day before bed. She opened her drawer to grab her socks and finds that her brother's socks are in her drawer. She's also holding up the pair she wants to wear which also belong to her brother. And she knows this.

I told her to hand me the pair of socks to put back into his sock drawer. She hands me one pair and clings to the other she wants to wear. I ask for the second pair. She unwillingly hands them over and then bursts out in tears. This is where the hard part begins. Because you see, she is wrong. She is absolutely wrong and she knows it. And yet, she is the one crying. I was also at the end of a long day myself after not feeling great, watching the kids, and then teaching my own students. By 8:30 pm, I was ready to get the kids into bed and do my own thing, whatever that meant. 

Her beloved pair of socks with the rainbow trim...I remember pushing her in her stroller at about 9 months old buying this pair of socks so I do not discount her sentimentality one bit.

So first, I had to ask her to complete her outfit selection for the next day, because since she took out the pairs of socks which were not hers and handed them to me, she had not moved an inch. So I firmly asked her to finish picking out the rest of her outfit or there would be consequences. 

Then, I held out my arms, she came over, and I gave her a hug. I. gave her a hug because I wanted to and not solely because I knew that's what she wanted. There are times when I don't want to give her a hug even though I know that's what she wants and needs, but I'm not ready. 

As I hugged her, I began asking her a series of questions.

1. Whose socks are those, yours or your brother's? Brother's.

2. Since they belong to him, who gets to wear them? He does. 

And then I explained. 

They used to be your socks when you were little. But your feet got bigger. So now he wears them because they fit him. They don't fit your feet anymore which is why you don't wear them. You wear socks that fit your feet. I continued by using an analogy to some of my old toys. It's just like when we go to grandpa's house and play with Mommy's old toys. They used to be mine, but I am not a little kid anymore so I do not play with them anymore. You are a little kid so I have passed them onto you to play with. She loves playing with my old things so I think this made my point very clear.

She then asked me if she could have rainbow socks. I told her we could get some for her birthday. So now I have to go find some rainbow socks for her that aren't absurdly priced per pair. And I actually will because part of parenting is following through with what I say. Well I know what's on my to-do list for the next month...

You know why this is hard? Nobody modeled this for us. Had this happened to me as a child, I would have been told, "Give me the socks. They're not yours. Stop crying. Go to bed." End of story. 

Sure, that's discipline. But that's easy discipline. Easy discipline doesn't raise capable adults. Easy discipline raises resentment, frustration, and manipulation. Being a parent now, it's up to me to end the cycle at the next generation. If I want my children to think independently, use good logic, and have wisdom in their decisions, I need to model it, and it starts now. 

I don't always respond like this. There are many times when I revert to old habits that are "familiar" and the situation ends up a little bit different. But this is what I strive for, and this particular incident was probably one of my finer parenting moments. 

That is the hardest part of raising a child. 

Vintage Valentine's

I recently rediscovered my collection of Valentine's Day cards over the years. Believe it or not, the oldest cards in my collection are from my pre-kindergarten class! That's.... about 28-29 years ago 😱 As an adult (with my own pre-k age child!) it's easy to wonder why in the world I kept these. I actually know why in the world I kept these. Each of these cards stood out to me for a reason and that's precisely why I saved them.

1. Barbie

This first collection is comprised of Barbie valentine's. I was a huge Barbie fan once upon a time. Loved the clothes, accessories, and play sets, but was never a fan of the actual doll herself. I preferred stuffed animals. These three cards I kept precisely because I liked Barbie. 

Barbie cards surprisingly have not gone out of style. They are still handed out in classrooms today in the year 2023. But these three? Vintage. Definitely vintage. The one on the left was my favorite. 

2. Cute

The second category I saved was the cute category. Bears were my thing back in the day 🧸. They still kind of are, but I've been mostly converted to penguins 🐧. 

The two cards on the bottom are from preschool! They both have names on the back and I even know exactly who those people are. One was from a boy. After preschool, we didn't go to school together but our schools were in the same district. We ended up at the same college and hanging out with the same friend circle. One was from a girl. We actually ended up going to high school together and graduated in the same class. Both of these people are still friends with me on Facebook so they have potential to read this blog 😝 although I have a feeling they won't remember. 

3. Sparkly

I couldn't resist a sparkly card. And clearly, that is the only reason I kept these cards. 

The top center was a power ranger card. If I turned it over, the card itself is very blasé. Literally the only reason I kept that card was for the pink power ranger sparkly heart sticker on the back. I don't remember who Todd is at all. Sorry. 

On the bottom, we have N'Sync, Britney Spears, and someone doing an extreme sport. The actual sport is called skysurfing. I didn't even know that until I just looked it up...now...decades after receiving that card. Britney Spears was never my thing. I knew her by name but that was about it. Of all my mix CDs and music tracks, I had one song she wrote. I didn't even recognize her face in 5th grade when my bus driver showed me a picture. 🤷🏻‍♀️ N'Sync was also not my thing. Knew a couple of their songs...but never had one on any of my CDs. 

4. Repeats

The only reason I kept these is because I had so many of the same/similar designs from multiple years. I guess the dogs are kind of cute, but I think I kept the duplicates from sheer chance of receiving so many of the same design.

These are in fact from five different people. 

5. Magic Eye

Magic Eye was a big fad when I was in school. I used to love checking out the books from the library and holding them really close to my face (and smelling all that library-book-weird-smell that some books from the library have) and then moving them further away until my eyes saw the 3-D image bulging from the page. It took me a long time to finally see my first one. You had to really master the eye focus as well as the speed to back the page from your face. But when you saw it, they were the coolest thing ever.

Turning these into Valentine's Day cards was pretty genius. I will say that the little ones on the cards never worked as well as the ones in the books. 

6. Glow-in-the-Dark

Who doesn't love a cool glow-in-the-dark card? These just happen to be planets, which I don't particularly care for, but the glow-in-the-dark texture and feature was what captivated me. Luckily, these planets are still planets according to today's science. 

Sadly, nobody's memorizing "My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas" anymore.  Nine pizzas has just turned into nachos. Or if you're into Dr. Seuss, Mallory Valerie Emily Mickels Just Saved Up Nine Hundred Ninety Nine Nickels. 

7. Teachers

Very rarely did we ever get cards from our teachers. I only saved three anyway from the 20+ teachers I had from pre-k until 5th grade. 

The top card was from my 4th grade homeroom teacher. I wonder if she picked that card on purpose for me because she knew I excelled at math. I'll never know, but her handwriting was beautiful. 

8. Friends

These three cards I actually kept because of the people who gave them to me. Nothing particular about the cards really appealed to me. I guess they do all have dogs in common, but that technically wasn't the reason why I kept them. 

These three cards were given to me by three friends who meant a lot to me in my elementary school days. One of these girls was my "first friend." I don't remember how we met or became friends, but I remember being friends with her by 2nd grade. The second girl and I became friends in 2nd grade because we were in the same grade. She had skipped 1st grade so we ended up classmates. She moved the same year I did, except she moved out of state completely and I just transferred schools within the district. We reconnected in middle school/high school periodically but our lives had moved on to different places. I remember being friends with the third girl but I don't remember specific details of our friendship. I know we were on the same Destination Imagination team for at least one year. There may have been two but those memories are foggy. 

9.

I honestly can't remember why I saved this card. The only reason I can think of is that it was one of the extras I had from one year. My mother wrote my name on this card so I'm assuming she must've written it on my other cards that year. As a parent now, my initial reaction would be, "Why in the world is the parent writing the child's name on her Valentine's Day cards?" And that reaction would be completely reasonable and expected. My four-year-old can write her name. I'm pretty sure I should have been able to write my own name 24+ times on little slips of paper.

But the reason why I will choose to keep this card now and forever is because it has my mother's handwriting on it. I'm glad she wrote my name on it instead of writing my name myself. As weird as it is, you don't think about these things until you think about these things. Had I been the child who had signed my own Valentine's Day cards, I wouldn't have this memento today. 

Maintenance

Every now and then I take my house for granted. I forget to appreciate the actual aesthetic beauty that it is. I forget to remember the glass mosaic tile that is in our bathroom shower. I forget to appreciate the house for what it looks like now vs what it used to look like when we bought it. 

I said to my husband recently, “Our house is in much better condition now than it was when we bought it.” His reply was: Oh, definitely. 

Now our house isn’t newer than it was when we bought it. It has aged another almost eight years since we took over ownership. And our house is entering its fourth decade since being built. The previous owners also only lived in the house for a mere four years. So how is it that it looks and feels so much newer than it did? 

Well, the easy answer is we renovated. We painted. Replaced flooring. Changed out tile. Smashed bathtubs. Removed cabinets. And made it look the way we wanted to. The hard answer? We took care of it. 

Regardless of how the house looks, care and maintenance is crucial. Without care and maintenance, a magazine-worthy house can turn gruesome in a very short amount of time. The kitchen is one of the hardest places to keep clean. Every time you cook, grease splatters, water spills, little bits of food fall out of the pan. It’s inevitable that your counters, stovetop, and probably your kitchen sink are going to need a good cleaning every so often. Growing up, we papered the back of our stove. It prevented grease splatters from staining the backsplash. I continue this tradition now and have repurposed years and years worth of brown packing paper. 

 

This is what our stove usually looks like. Brown paper on the back, dirty pots (only when I cook!) on the stove and some splatters here and there. The brown paper gets really messy after a few months and I do change it out regularly. That’s when the magic happens. 

When I remove the brown paper thats’ stained with splashed grease oil, and overall yuck, once again, it reveals the beautiful clean backsplash being protected behind it. 

If my kitchen looked like this all the time, we'd be starving because in order to keep it this clean, I'd never be able to cook.

Whenever I see the kitchen clean and uncovered, it reminds me why I put up the paper for the majority of time. I know I can’t enjoy all the backsplash behind the stove, but realistically, if I didn't put up the brown paper, the backsplash wouldn't look like this without it. I am preserving it for the next owners. I have no idea who they might be. It might be my children. It might be a complete stranger. But either way, they won’t see the remnants of life stories we lived in our house through fat, oil, and grease.